One Year Later…Holding the Heaviness of Covid-19
1 Year.
52 Weeks.
365 Days.
8,760 Hours.
525,600 Minutes.
31, 536, 000 Moments.
Go back and read that again. This time though, let the gravity of this year sink in.
One year ago we were just starting to understand just how serious this Covid-19 outbreak was going to be. All of our anniversaries will be a bit different, since the impact of Corona Virus varied across the United States, but here in Seattle, Washington, this is the point when everything began to drastically change. We knew it was highly contagious, could be deadly, and that we were all in for an intense wave of experiences. I remember when my school first announced they were closing all in-person classes. I had already begun to read articles from doctors on the frontlines in Italy describing what the worst cases were like. I was terrified to go anywhere, so the announcement to end in-person gatherings was a huge relief to me. I listened as many of my friends lamented the things they would miss for the next few weeks, but we thought it would be back to normal soon. I fully expected to be able to walk at graduation in June.
A mere two weeks later we realized this was no short-term situation. As one friend put it, this won’t be a season but rather it will be a definitive moment in history where there is a ‘before’ period, an ‘after’ period, and this gray unknown space between. For 365 days we have been living out this uncharted gray territory. Some days seem almost normal, and others it has been difficult for me to find the energy to even get out of bed. Going to the grocery store can turn into a terrifying experience when someone beside you coughs. We have mostly stayed in our homes, trying to make the best of the situation. Trying to stay healthy and just survive.
Thousands of businesses have failed. On one side, we can say ‘it’s just capitalism, just things.’ On the other side though is the very real reality that millions of Americans lost income that is necessary to their livelihood. Government funding has not been enough to meet the financial needs of so many humans. And we have not even touched on the 525,000 United States deaths and 2,630,000 worldwide deaths (and still counting). So, so many people survived Covid-19, but have long-term side-effects and damage to their body. Yet, all we can do is press on, doing our best to care for ourselves and neighbors in a horrific situation.
I hope you will mark this anniversary in a way which is meaningful to you. Perhaps you can lament over all you have lost in a journal or with a loved one. You can describe the changes to your life in the last year. Flip through your photos throughout this time and think through all that you have experienced. Feel the emotions without trying to force them to be negative or positive. Just let them breathe.
Greet your body with deep intention. Do some breath work (note: breath work can create a traumatic response for some people, so it is a good idea to discuss this with your therapist or other trusted expert if you are fearful of what may come up). Perhaps a meditation or yoga routine. Your favorite outdoor activity. Whatever allows you to really connect with yourself mind, body, and soul. I have realized countless times this year that I am unknowingly holding my breath. For 31,536,000 moments I have held more anxiety in my stomach and chest than my body is used to holding. I honor that this tension is the way I have innately coped with the environment we find ourselves in. I also recognize that I have the ability to renavigate how I will care for my body as she processes the stress and danger of our current lived reality.
So today I will take space for breath work. I will move my body in ways that feel safe and comforting. I will wail and mourn what has been lost. I will make some art. I will feel the weightiness of this year and honor all it has held.
Selah.
